Consent, Intent, and Violence/Harm (In Reference to BDSM)

I am all for being critical of things and why we do them, however there comes a point about where or not what were are saying is accurate or not. I say this because it has come to my attention once again that some of you on tumblr may or may not be aware of how exactly consent, intent, and violence/harm, intertwine and interact. Therefore, allow me to enlighten you via my favorite method, philosophy.

Now before I begin allow me to first state that this is all based on the ideas of utility and law revolving around the Harm Principle in reference to BDSM. The Harm Principle is the belief “that no one should be forcibly prevented from acting in any way he chooses provided his acts are not invasive of the free acts of others.” Nothing else. 

In philosophy harm is defined as something that physically injures an individual or their interests. For instance if someone were to punch you, or steal your belongings, that would be harm. As for hurt, it is defined as just being in reference to feelings such as an insult. 

Now the thing about harm is that if the law operated off of the definition given above alone, we would have more of a jail problem than we currently do. The reason we don’t though is because when it comes to harm, it is all about intent. Take the following scenario for instance: Two business individuals are waiting for the bus. They just so happen to have similar briefcases and have set them down. One of the individuals receives an urgent call about an accident that has occurred. In response to this the individual goes to grab their briefcase and mistakenly takes the wrong one and runs back home. Operating off of the definition I gave about harm, this individual would then be subject to jail time due to having stolen another person’s property. However, as I said, harm is all about intent. Due to the fact the individual didn’t mean to take the bag or cause harm to the other person, they are not charged with stealing. It was simply a misunderstanding. Yet if the individual had meant to take it, then charges would be placed. “How do you know if they meant to or not,” you ask. Well that is why we have investigations my friend. 

Socrates asserted in the Crito, that no one knowingly wishes to be harmed in any way whatsoever. John Stuart Mill, in his book On Liberty, agrees with this.Now the majority of individuals on tumblr declare that BDSM is immoral, and unethical due to the fact it sexualises violence/abuse/etc or in other words causes harm. 

However, answer me this. If individuals do not knowingly wish to be harmed in any way, and if BDSM causes harm, which the individuals would have to know if they partake in it, how can BDSM be harmful? Individuals don’t want to be harmed, so why would they partake in something that harms them? It doesn’t make sense. 

Here is another thing. John Stuart Mill says that it does not count as harming someone if – without force or fraud – the affected individual consents to assume the risk with knowledge of it, provided there is no deception involved, the individuals are of full faculties, of age (which can vary depending on where you live but Mill’s primary model was 18-21), and understand the situation. 

So even if BDSM was harmful, which it can’t according to Socrates as individuals do not knowingly wish to be harmed, it would still not be harmful provided both individuals knowingly consent without deception. 

Now to address some other issues on what is “True BDSM” and not. Following what is stated above, “True BDSM” is something that is done without deception and with both individuals having full understanding of the situation. However, a lot of you assert that all forms of BDSM are the same regardless with no “True BDSM” existing. Following that logic then there are no true forms of Social Justice, Feminism, fans, etc. Racist feminists are still feminists, social justice warriors calling for the killing of entire races are still social justice warriors, and raving fans that insult and ridicule a celebrity’s partner to the point of a break up are still fans. Also operating by the same logic there is then no such thing as a “good” form of anything, as they are all the same thing just different parts/practitioners. As such, since there are different parts/practitioners logic says there will, obviously, be bad parts/practitioners of BDSM. Which we would then have to just accept as being part of life just as there are good and bad people. Then bringing up the question as to why bother do any of this at all. 

Furthermore if BDSM makes light of and fetishizes violence/harm against women, so do all other sexual/sensual acts make light of other various plights including, but not limited to, oral sex, fingering/handjobs, and so on. 

Here is another thing for you. I provide the argument that, provided the above in reference to consent is followed, BDSM in itself is something that can be cathartic, emotional, and fun. Here is how it can be cathartic and emotional. Do you, dear reader, ever have any bad thoughts about yourself in which you call yourself names, think you should be treated a certain way or believe things about you that others would normally denounce? The reason, I theorize, some people enjoy BDSM is because of those thoughts. We naturally seek affirmation that we are not alone, or that others share the same thoughts that we do. Therefore when someone we trust call us something or do something within a safe setting falling in line with those thoughts, we feel relief. Relief in that someone other than ourselves sees what we see. This, as a result, then lets out a lot of pent up stress we hold in. By the end of the session the one that was on the receiving end can possibly cry out of sadness or happiness that someone has said their thoughts out loud. This is where an important aspect of BDSM comes into play: Aftercare. We naturally think ill of ourselves and when others do to us what we think of ourselves, we are broken down. When that happens Aftercare is meant to build us back up. Aftercare, when namecalling, acts, etc are performed, can consist of soothing lotion, a warm shower, a firm embrace, or encouragement and how their partner feels about them. You know how when your significant other or friend feels down and you tell them how amazing they are? That’s what aftercare can consist of. BDSM, rather than waiting for someone to breakdown, or for emotions to overflow, it reaches deep inside both parties and tears out of them the black filth that exists within us all. Our lust, fears, anger, sadness, everything is brought to the surface for all to see. When that happens a deep connection is made because both parties then see each others imperfections, and hopefully care for them all the same. Now BDSM isn’t always about caring or feelings. It’s sometimes just lust. That’s it. That is why there are paid dominatrixes and dominators. Something that remains though is an idea of responsibility. If one is the dominant one, you have a responsibility to keep communication open and recognize when enough is enough, regardless of what is said, especially if you feel uncomfortable or the safeword is said. Also, if one is the submissive, you too have a responsibility to communicate in general and trust yourself and your partner. Communication and consent, as in any relationship is essential. Without either, BDSM would not be BDSM, just as a relationship would not be a relationship. Now as for how BDSM can be fun. Role play, be it cosplay, or acting, is something I feel we all enjoy to some degree. BDSM is no different from having sex in cosplay and acting as your characters. Both people take on separate personas either composed of themselves, or traits they are supposed to embody as per the scene. They then act accordingly. You can have fun with it by doing sexy stuff in public, or even acting in a way you normally wouldn’t. Being something you’re not, is always the fun of role playing. 

Individuals keep declaring that BDSM is problematic due to the implications of it and how people go about it. However, I propose that perhaps the only thing that is problematic is our understanding and approach to it, just as the only problematic thing about gender or religion is how we go about thinking, talking, or experiencing them. 

psychotropica asked:

'Women against feminism’ is essentially privileged women declaring sexism doesn’t exist because they haven’t experienced it. Did you know the biggest threat to any woman's life is her partner? Not cancer, not HIV, literally up to half of all women murdered in the world are killed by their partner. And yet you've still got bitches misinterpreting feminism and believing it has no part in this work because a man never lifted a hand to them. Disgusting.





That’s absolutely not why I’m against feminism at all, friendo. 

Feminism isn’t going to stop your partner from hurting you. It really isn’t. Feminism is gaining equality for women, which has already been achieved in first-world countries. Sexism is ALWAYS going to exist, whether feminism is around or not, because the fact of the matter is that there are people out there, men and women alike, who believe that one gender is inferior to the other(s). There are women on here who have mentioned initiating a “holocaust of men” and there are men on here who have made rude, sexist remarks towards women. 

Feminism exists. That doesn’t mean it’s going to stop people from acting like assholes. 

Also, for someone who claims to be a feminist, the term “bitch” really shouldn’t be in your vocabulary, especially when you’re describing another woman who just so happens to have a different view than you do. “Disgusting.” 



It is rather thought-provoking, I think, that people believe an ideology will stop a behavior from happening. Granted, feminism will create laws that help women (and even harm men) if enough hullabaloo is caused. Inevitably, these laws will be broken, people will be hurt, and the practice will continue. 

The caste system in India is, as far as I know, officially banned in practice, however the ideology of it still very much exists and works deep within the villages and smaller towns. I compare this somewhat to feminism - not the caste system to feminism, but the outlawing of the caste system and its continuation of practice to the implementation of feminism and the refusal to accept it. 

No matter how hard you try to change people, they ultimately only change one of two ways: if they want to be changed, and by force. Third-wave radical feminists, as of late, have taken to the latter, trying to determine whether or not using physical and emotional forces (i.e. “male holocaust” and Valerie Solanas’s “Scum Manifesto”).

-By correcting a man and telling him that “go make me a sandwich” jokes aren’t really tolerated while you’re around, he may cease and decidedly stop making them altogether. That’s called respect and obtaining equality.
-By knocking his teeth out and kicking him in the balls, then coloring yourself in a black eye, posting it on Tumblr, and falsely accusing him of punching you back after he made a sexist joke, you’re only harming your own movement. That man is going to have a forever-engrained idea of feminism equalling BAD and spread it around. 

It’s thought provoking in a sense that instilling feminist ideals, traditional feminist ideals, in our children (in developed countries, might I add), male, female, or otherwise, will happen naturally because of the first-world many of us live in. Women are respected, and women are given more rights than most men. In many cases, these rights and “privileges” as many Tumblrites want to call them carry over into our judicial system, allowing women to get away with more and brag about it more frequently, while the males stand by and are accused of rape and pillage if they disagree, and being “whipped” if they do. What’s this double standard have to say about the society we’re raising?

I think it says that equality is relative. There is not an actually attained EQUALITY because, what one woman sees as equality for herself with a male, another woman will see as needing to demand her pedestal be HIGHER than her male counterpart’s because she’s shorter on the totem. There’s an image floating around here of a short person and a tall person standing on the same heighth step - one’s head is raised higher than the other, and a second image of the same two people at the same head height, but their steps are different sizes. “This is equality,” it says on the second image, implying that equality is making everyone’s heads equal height, even if that means one person gets special privileges the other may not. 

That’s bullshit. Equality is ensuring that the same laws, same punishments, same privileges, and same rights are obtained for men, women, and non-binary genders and sexes. Equality isn’t conveyed through a photo or a drawing. There will always be sexism, there will always be arguments and male-provoked drama, just as there will always be female-provoked drama and females attacking other females, as well, and then crying internalized misogyny. It’s not going to go away with the institutionalization of a word that people throw around as though it means everything: feminism. Feminism is focused strictly on women and always has been, but now that women are in the same light that men are, ask yourself these questions:

Which rights are going to be taken away from men in order to appease women? Are those women going to be satisfied when they have more rights, or are they going to demand more? Will those rights be amended in any way, and are they going to end up causing more trouble in the end of the story? Will your fathers, brothers, sons, and uncles be affected, and if they will be, are you going to be okay with it when they end up jailed for a false accusation or too-little provided evidence? When you wake up every morning, will you actually see yourself as equal, or are you looking to be named superior? 

There are two kinds of pride, both good and bad. ‘Good pride’ represents our dignity and self-respect. ‘Bad pride’ is the deadly sin of superiority that reeks of conceit and arrogance.” 

Become tolerant. By tolerant, I mean accepting, and of people, not actions. Don’t settle, don’t stand and burn. But don’t burn others because you’ve been touched by fire, too. Use your experiences to assist those in less-fortunate situations, and take the time to think about what you’re really hoping to achieve through supporting movements that are radicalized and evermore moot. 


It would also really help if all you rad fems quit saying all men are scum and stopped painting the world to be this black and white place when there are shades of grey, and even a rainbow of colors to see.

You just might gain more momentum in your cause if you presented rational arguments instead of accusing those of us with a more balanced view point on make and female issues to be “privileged women who haven’t experienced sexism.” I assure you, I most certainly have.


Anonymous asked:

wait so is a trigger anything you dislike?




A trigger is anything that ilicits a negative response in someone, so in some sense, yeah?

No it fucking isn’t. A trigger is some thing, you know, triggers a psychological response that takes you away from reality, causes severe panic attacks, makes you black out, among other horrible things.

To our anon wondering what a trigger is.

<3 Eros

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